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About San Juan

Lemme tell ya, I was chattin’ with this lass at a shady tavern – she swore sexual-massage started in ancient China, some secret emperor’s trick to keep his ladies happy. True or not, I was gobsmacked! Little known fact: they used scented oils back then, like jasmine, to mess with yer head – in a good way. Makes me happy thinkin’ how clever those old buggers were. But what pisses me off? These posh spas chargin’ a fortune for it now – “That’s a bingo!” as Hans Landa’d say, but it’s a rip-off! Should be for everyone, not just rich twats.

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I decide to walk it off, head towards the park by the Plaza de la Cultura. It’s a beautiful day, and I’m trying to chill. But then I see this couple arguing on a bench. Like, full-on shouting. I’m thinking, “Get a room, people!” But I can’t help but eavesdrop. Turns out, they’re fighting over who forgot to buy the milk. I mean, really? Milk?

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